Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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