Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
