So drunk its hurt
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
