what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
