he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
