I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
