at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
