Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
