whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
