if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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