Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
