omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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