theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
