Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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