Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
