Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
