they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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