If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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