If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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