i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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