my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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