My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
