How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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