the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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