How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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