last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
