Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
