Can i not drive my cunt home
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
ugly people sure do ruin things
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize
