Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
