if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
