dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
