yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
We're not piercing ourselves today.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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