i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
