Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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