but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
