i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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