I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
