I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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