Im at strip club and am horny
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
not ubering you a puppy
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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