Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
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