Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
