Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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