i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
