and next time when you feel me up, do it right
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
