I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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