It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Randomize
