It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
