he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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