I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
