ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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