my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
